Chapter 7: Who, Us?

Touching Lives as a Couple

True significance is found as a couple experiences God's love and responds by investing themselves in the cause that will outlive them. {1}

Dennis Rainey

People's lives are changed as they see Christ lived out on a daily basis and reflected through everyday situations. A lifestyle that reflects Christian values can draw individuals to ideas they would not otherwise consider. The best way to reach couples is to work as a couple.

Recently at a conference, professors and their spouses were asked what they enjoyed most about reaching out as a couple. Their responses were both refreshing and challenging:

• We reach out together because we love each other!
• There is a feeling of togetherness as we work toward the common goal of influencing others for Christ.
• The joy of using our home and then talking with each other afterwards about what happened brings us closer together.
• We enjoy being together. By working together we have one more part of our lives to share.
• It's fun!

Touching lives together is reaching out as a couple to share the gospel and to build disciples in a multitude of ways. As one faculty wife expressed it, "God has given us complementary gifts. He uses me to minister to people in a different style and from a different angle than my husband." Another wife wrote, "As Rocky Balboa put it, "We fill each other's gaps!" Working together as a couple allows us to be more effective in outreach as well as brings added joy to the marriage relationship.

Tugging Together

A famous cartoon strip portrays the way couples often approach working together. In the first frame, there are two donkeys joined at the neck with a rope. Each donkey is sitting down, facing opposite directions, looking at its own pile of hay. In the second frame, they are standing up, tugging hard in opposite directions to reach the piles of hay. In the third frame, the donkeys are again sitting down, with a big question mark over their heads, wondering what to do. In the fourth and final frame, success comes as they figure out they can work together, eating one pile of hay alongside each other. Couples find themselves in one or more of these cartoon frames as they work (or tug) together in life.

It is not easy at times. Schedules, children's needs, and other activities can challenge the best-laid plans or keep plans from ever being made. One partner may be hesitant or even totally disinterested. Be assured that God is excited about you and desires that you grow in Him as you reach out to others as a couple.

Now what?

What activities sound challenging to you as a couple? What are the individual strengths and weaknesses that each of you bring to your marriage? How do you start?

Plan a time to sit down together and talk about your interests, situations you enjoy (one or two couples vs. a large group of students or faculty), or a special burden you may have for a particular area such as international students, his department at the university, your sorority, etc. In other words, take inventory.

Many of the ideas throughout this manual provide opportunities for you to touch lives together as a couple. Be creative. Adapt these ideas to fit your own style.

One couple summed up why they continue to work together by saying, "Why? The question is why would any Christian couple not want to minister together? Do what you enjoy doing and make a point of inviting others to join in that activity."

Overcoming Challenges . . . (Obstacles!)

Prayer is the first ingredient to reaching out successfully as a couple. Murphy's Law applies to your attempts to minister together. There will be roadblocks and distractions. However, God is never surprised by them, and only He is able to prepare you to handle them.

Children can be a challenge. Finding child care, having a child become ill and experiencing schedule conflicts in older children's lives are realities of life. Consider opportunities that can include your children. Many college students have never seen a Christian family where the members relate well to one another. You have a tremendous opportunity to be a positive role model. Your children will benefit when you expose them to godly college students and as they see you minister to people.

Coordinating schedules of a husband and wife can seem impossible at times. Finding the time to sit down and plan together can be a challenge. With church, job responsibilities, school activities, and hobbies pressing in on us, finding a time slot to try something together as a couple can feel overwhelming.

Fatigue is a factor. It is real because of our pace of life. It must be dealt with in order to enjoy serving together as a couple. What causes the fatigue? How can the schedule be adjusted? What changes need to be made?

Different approaches of the husband and wife to ministry can cause a couple to hesitate to try something together. Keep talking together until you find a type of outreach opportunity that sounds fun and challenging to both of you.

Ideas and Suggestions . . .

• Sponsor college students to attend retreats, conferences, and missions trips.
• Be involved in reaching out to international students (see The World at Your Door section of this manual).
• Friday Night at the Movies. Some faculty couples enjoy inviting students over to watch videos and then discuss them. Choose timely films which will lead to lively discussion of spiritual issues (see Friday Night at the Movies).
• Attend student Christian organization meetings, retreats, and Christmas conferences.
• Be available to give your personal testimony at student Christian organization meetings.
• Host a theme party for faculty couples. Have fun and accomplish the purpose of getting to know your husband's colleagues and their spouses (see Theme Parties).
• Host a potluck for Christian faculty, staff, and their spouses. This event can provide an opportunity to meet one another as well as to fellowship together, to share how God is at work in your lives and ministering through you, to pray together, and to announce and discuss future events (see The Faculty-Staff Potluck Social).
• Encourage attendance at Christian Leadership Ministries' area and regional conferences and the National Faculty Leadership Conference.
• Host an evangelistic Christmas Gathering for colleagues and spouses within your husband's department (see A Christmas Gathering).
• Be involved in a Dessert/Discussion Series or an Open Forum. These are excellent outreach tools designed to bring together Christians and non-Christians in a non-threatening environment (see The Dessert/Discussion Series and The Open Forum).
• Be part of an international mission trip with your husband.
• Be open to spontaneous situations. One couple remembered the following experience:
  One night we had 15-20 students in our home. It was time for our children to go to bed and the children asked one of the male college students to read a bedtime story. Our children chose a Bible story. The entire group of students sat around quietly as he read. It really touched my heart.

Endnotes

{1}Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Strengthening Your Mate's Self-Esteem--Study Guide, WORD Publishing, 1989, p. 155. Used with permission.

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