Stonewall Revisted

If it's time for me to go, I'm happy with that. I know I'm ready. God has shown me that something far better is waiting for me...

Courageously, Mark passed away in 1987. But before his death, he shared his story with LIA staff member Bob Davies.

LIA: Mark, how did you get into the gay lifestyle?

MP: Back in 1972, I was in college, and engaged to be married. I took a psychology course called, "Homosexual Perspectives." I found the whole issue really intriguing; something was tugging me in that direction. Eventually, my relationship with my fiance broke up, and I ended up in a sexual relationship with another man for three years during my college days.

LIA: What happened after you graduated?

MP: I started my own architecture business in Portland, and the relationship ended. I became blatantly gay-I didn't try to hide it. The doors opened for me to move to San Francisco, so I came here and started over. I was introduced to the homosexual community, and I plunged in. But as I got more involved, I felt pulled into a downward spiral that I couldn't get out of.

LIA: So you weren't happy during this time?

MP: I tried to be successful and happy, but nothing satisfied. I smoked dope, used cocaine occasionally, dropped acid--the whole trip. I got involved in relationships with many people from every aspect of the gay community. Fortunately, I was protected from any bad experiences. I know the Lord's hand was on me the entire time. But it got to the point where it was just one person after the next. I thought, This is getting ridiculous. There's got to more to life than this.

LIA: What events brought you to the Lord?

MP: I started looking into mysticism and other spiritual things. But I could see that they were not the truth. One night at home, my eyes fell on an old Bible that belonged to my mother. I had never noticed it before. I picked it up and started reading. The passage dealt with something I was experiencing that very day. I thought, This is spooky. There's something here.

I promised myself that I would read the Bible until I got something out of it. I started isolating myself from old friendships. The Lord spoke to me, "Clean up your act." I went through a cleansing process of burning my dope, my pornography and other things. As I got rid of them, there was a wonderful release inside. I knew I was doing the right thing. This all happened over a period of about six months.

LIA: Were you a Christian at this point?

MP: Not yet. But I went to my brother's house for Christmas, 1980. He and his wife are Christians and there was a special atmosphere in their home I couldn't quite put my finger on. Then we started talking about Jesus, and I ended up accepting the Lord that same day.

They called up some friends, and asked about a good church I could go to. When I walked in the next Sunday, I immediately felt right at home. I prayed that God would bring others I could relate to and that very Sunday, I met an artist who had come out of homosexuality.

LIA: Did you ever think you'd be married?

MP: Not at all--I was happy being a eunuch for the Lord! Then I attended a conference for Christian artists. I met a woman named Shireen and we talked for a few minutes. She told me about some of her artistic endeavors, and we got together for lunch about a week later. But I was just being polite--I wasn't interested in a relationship at all. I thought, She's such a nice gal. We'll just be friends.

Shireen and I kept getting together, and one thing led to another. One night, I was looking at her and saw this angelic-like aura about her. I thought, Wow, what is this? I began looking at her differently than I had before. I'd known her about six months at this point, so I was very cautious about the whole thing.

LIA: How long had you been out of homosexuality?

MP: About two years when we first met. Back then, the incubation period for AIDS was thought to be three years, but I really didn't suspect that I may have the virus. After about a year, we started talking about marriage and got counseling through our church. Shireen said she knew right from the beginning that she would marry me. Our wedding was a really neat experience. That was September 1, 1984.

LIA: What were the first symptoms that something was wrong?

MP: My architecture business was expanding. I hired two other Christians, and God gave me the name for the company: "Masterplan." We were rolling right along and I really enjoyed it. Then I started feeling depressed, which was unusual for me. I also began feeling tired and one day in December, I noticed a spot on my side. I didn't think much about it, but decided to go in for a physical.

When I called in March to check the test results, they told me, "We want you to come in and get a biopsy on that spot." In the meantime, another spot appeared on my arm. So I went back for further tests.

LIA: Can you see how the Lord prepared you for the results?

MP: Definitely. Something I'd been reading the day before in the Bible really touched my heart, a passage about relying on the Lord, trusting in Him, something about illness and health. When I got the diagnosis, I was totally blown away. I had Kaposi's sarcoma, a form of skin cancer. They told me I had six months to live. I thought, How can this doctor tell me that? He doesn't know what my God has in store for me.

My wife and I went home and cried a lot. We wondered how we were going to tell our families and friends at church. As time went on, we were able to share with our closest friends, including our pastor. In September, I got up in an evening service and told the whole congregation what was happening. I told them of my fears of rejection, my doubts and questions: "Why is this happening to me?" The response was wonderful. We have some real prayer warriors, and they went to work. As a whole, the church has been very supportive.

LIA: What other adjustments were necessary?

MP: I switched over to natural foods, and avoided sugar, coffee and all the things which are such a part of social life today. In fact, even the smell of sugar began making me sick, so I couldn't even be around it. Shireen and I felt increasingly isolated. Then I had to start letting go of my business, which was painful. I realized a lot of my self-worth was wrapped up in my work. Now we're down to one income, but we've seen the Lord provide for all our needs in some incredible ways.

LIA: How have others helped you through the hard times?

MP: One example was the last time I came out of the hospital for pneumacystis pneumonia. I was so disappointed with God, so angry and hurt that He had allowed it. I was ready to give up; I'd never been that far down. I confessed all this to a friend on the phone, and she said, "Mark, it's OK to be angry with God."

My wife walked in, and I was weeping. I loved the Lord dearly, but I felt so let down by Him. Shireen came over and started praying, "God, please give Mark some point of encouragement." I was so sick and nauseated that I was thinking, God, just take me home. Do something, I can't stand it any longer.

Well, about an hour later, He lifted the depression, the nausea--everything. It was so dramatic that I couldn't believe it. I was so excited that I couldn't sleep all night. God really revealed Himself to me.

LIA: Are you afraid, Mark?

MP: I think anyone in my position has to deal with some fear. But God's Word says, "Perfect love casts out all fear," and that's what I have to focus on. What has God promised? What can I really stand on? I know it must sound strange, but I'm really happy. I'm doing better in the Lord than ever. Other Christians have told me they think I'm going to be healed, and God has spoken to me through my own times in the Word.

But I'm just taking it one day at a time. God has shown me what true values are. His priorities are different from the ways of the world. If it's time for me to go, I'm happy with that. I know I'm ready. God has shown me that something far better is waiting for me, far superior than what I'm struggling with down here. He helps me have the right perspective. I'm surrendered to His timing, not my own.

Copyright (C) 1985 by Bob Davies. Distributed by Love In Action, PO BOX 753307, Memphis, TN 38175-3307; 901/542-0250

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