Let me cast my vote with those who have assured you that doubts are
normal. God understands that as puny-minded humans who are trying to
relate to a God we cannot see, touch, or hear, we're going to face areas
we don't understand! Often, what we experience is confusion, but some
people label it doubt.
I think doubt is more in-your-face unbelief. "I know You're there, God, but I question Your goodness to me so I'm going to do things my own way and pretend like You're not there." The way that Satan encouraged Eve to doubt God's goodness in the garden of Eden.
There is a difference between being overcome by doubts and struggling with comprehending really huge mysteries like the resurrection. God understands, especially at a time like this when you're grieving. (I am so very, very sorry, to hear about your parents' deaths. This is my first Mother's Day without my mother, who died a few months ago. It's hard, isn't it?)
Since you have internet access, you can get some very interesting information about the resurrection and life after death that will help strengthen and establish your faith in those areas. You can start reading at the Probe Ministries site (www.probe.org) and look in the "Theology/Apologetics" section. Leadership University (www.leaderu.com) also has some dynamite articles.
Concerning the statement that doubts are blasphemy. Well, no, they're not the same thing. People like you who are concerned that it is, are never guilty of it! Blasphemy is hard-hearted insult against God. I'm sorry that someone has burdened you with the false guilt of "calling God a liar." Now that would be pretty blasphemous, but simply experiencing some questions is usually an issue of not being sure of something. And that's a far cry from saying "God, You're a blankety-blank liar."
Truly saved people have doubts all the time. That's the first step to wrestling with individual issues of faith, and studying them to come out with a stronger faith on the other end. God isn't threatened by our doubts and questions. When we go to Him in simple faith, asking Him to help us understand truth and help us see things as they really are, He truly does answer. It may take a while, but He takes those requests seriously.
You said you were confirmed when you were 12 and you hope that you are
saved. I am so glad you put it so bluntly, because I am delighted to be
able to give you some very clear direction on this!
Quick question: what were you confirmed IN? Were you confirmed that yes,
indeed, you were a Presbyterian, the way we confirm flight reservations?
Or were you confirmed in your faith because at some point before that, as
you were growing up, you made a deliberate choice to put your faith in the
Lord Jesus Christ?
He told Nicodemus that we must be born again. Just like when we were born
the first time, that's a specific event at a specific point in time. In
order to pass over from death to life, there must be a specific point at
which we choose God over our own way, where we realize that Jesus died on
the cross for our sins and we receive His gift of forgiveness and eternal
life by saying "thank You!"
So my question to you is, was there a specific point at which you were
born again? Being baptized as an infant doesn't do it, because that's not
a decision that a disciple makes; it's more of a statement of our parents'
intent to raise us in the ways of God. It's possible to go along, learning
the catechism questions and having a lot of religious head knowledge ABOUT
God, without ever embracing Him as our personal Lord and Savior. Have you
done that?
If you have, YOU ARE SAVED FOREVER. If you haven't, then you aren't saved
but you can be as soon as you choose to. I know several people who just
weren't sure of a specific time and place when they chose to put their
trust in Christ, so they chose right then and there and said to God, "God,
I am a sinner and I need you. Thank You for sending Jesus to die on the
cross in my place, and then raising Him from the dead three days later. I
believe Jesus is Your Son, and I trust Him to save me from my sins and
take me to heaven when I die." Then they KNEW they had trusted Christ and
had passed over from death to life.
1 John 5:11-13 says,
11 And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this
life is in his Son.
I love the part in verse 13 that says, "you may KNOW that you have eternal
life." When someone showed that to me not long after I trusted Christ as a
college sophomore, that was the point at which I knew for sure that I was
saved--because the Bible said I could know! That was very cool for me,
since I was raised just hoping that everything would be okay when I died
but I couldn't ever know. Now I KNOW!!!
Let me know what you think about all this, OK?
The Lord bless you and keep you.
Sue Bohlin
12 He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does
not have life.
13 I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God
so that you may know that you have eternal life.
Probe Ministries