My Personal Story
Dr. Patricia Griffin

Being raised in a Christian home, I can’t really remember a point when I was not a Christian. For me, it has been a growing process (not always upward). I made a profession of faith, going down the "big aisle" at our church, Cliff Temple Baptist in Oak Cliff section of Dallas, on Easter Sunday when I was six or seven. By that time, I felt there was a God (someone must have created this beautiful ordered world) and that He had sent His Son, Jesus, to earth to show us how to live and I wanted to learn!

Several summers of Christian camps at Mount Lebanon, as camper and then as counselor, strengthened my faith in the beauty of God’s creation. Through missionary speakers, I realized that God’s focus was not just on me and perfecting me, but on others. My purpose in life was to be helping others and showing them God’s love and His plan for life. I dedicated my life to Christian service, thinking I would surely go as a missionary to the Spanish people I found so attractive and friendly in the summer Bible Schools our church conducted.

Even though I went to a Christian college, Baylor, college brought a period of examination and real questioning of my faith. The miracles of the Bible and especially Jesus’ birth and resurrection seemed to defy intellectual inspection. But after examining other ideas, I realized nothing offered me the hope that a personal relationship with a living God did. If He was powerful enough to order and create the universe and to raise Jesus from the grave, maybe I should listen to Him.

He had given us a blueprint for life--following his commands to love God and our fellow man. That did not seem too difficult and definitely worth trying.

While I had the basics down, graduate school in Pennsylvania, a new husband, and two children in thirteen months overpowered me. Gradually, as the children grew, God told me He expected me to grow as well. Bible Studies and regular church attendance helped me see how to apply His truths. But how do you love a crying infant at 10, 12, 2, 4 and 6 a.m.?

After the birth of our third child, I discovered the Holy Spirit. He had been living in me since my acceptance of Christ, but I had not been letting Him help me grow. I wanted to depend more on Him and less on my own will and power. Unfortunately, at this time I also gained wealth and position. I was teaching full time, excited to be a "Visiting Professor" at Texas A & M, a school I had always respected and a job beyond my wildest expectations. I was now "someone" other than "just" a wife and mother. I had an identity and status. We acquired a ranch, apartments, another ranch, a warehouse complex and a shopping center. Needless to say my husband, Jim, was busy and resentful when I refused to "help" or be impressed with his accomplishments. On the outside, I looked like "Super Woman," a wife, a mother of three with a beautiful home and a challenging career. I juggled home, car pools, bills, lectures, weekends at the ranch with time left over to cook dinner every night and go to Bible Study every week. My friends and acquaintances were amazed at all I accomplished. Only my family knew that I was really a failure and not perfect at all. My husband and I grew apart and resentful of each other, I was snappy with the kids and while providing for their physical needs, did little to build their self-esteem or teach them religious or moral values. Weren’t they getting that at all those church activities I forced them to go to? I was substituting outward form and ritual for inward change.

A near divorce, a near mental breakdown and a rebellious son finally drove me back to God on my knees. I knew the Bible said, "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God," but I did not realize that applied to Christians as well. Sinning does not end when we become a Christian. I am gradually reestablishing my identity as a child of God. Someone God loves and forgives when I sincerely ask. God is working to show me His plans and His desires for the rest of my life now that I have admitted that my plans didn’t work out so well. I still have a lot to surrender as I am a strong-willed, opinionated person, but at least I am again going in the right direction--toward God.

For me, Christianity has been a lifelong process of change. Gradually, I have learned what "accepting Christ" really means. At first it just meant accepting the reality that Jesus Christ was the Son of God, who came to earth, died on a cross and rose from the grave for us. Then it was realizing He had set up rules and an example of how to live. Finally, I realized that the Holy Spirit wanted to change, not just my behavior, but my heart and way of looking at the world as well. Hope I never stop growing!

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